Happy New Year
Good morning, y’all. Well, I stand here ready to take my Zwilling Pure Stainless Steel Meat Fork and plunge it to its full depth into 2015, because that sucker is done, done, done! Holy cow, what a year! You’ll have to go back to my first post to recount the rhyme and the reason to how I became a serial blogger, and I hope you do. To say that it has been a long strange trip, undersells trips. I mean, we’re talking Timothy Leary stuff here, and I’ve been sober all year. Whew!
Well, I guess the New Year is when we all try to sit quietly and reflect on what advances and back slides we made in the previous year. The more adventurous of us will take the data and try to make a plan for the coming year. Most folks call them, “New Year’s resolutions”. I call them, “wishful thinking”.
I mean, let’s all be honest with ourselves here. I need to lose weight, a lot of weight, and God knows I’m well-intentioned, but so are Ben and Jerry. It was Ben and Jerry’s New Year’s resolution to sell me the most Cherry Garcia ever, and they were wildly successful in achieving their resolution. I, on the other hand, failed in my resolution to not spend a quarter of my disposable income on ice cream. At this point, I’m going to claim that I was out numbered, there’s two of them, and just one of me. Although one of me about equals the two of them now. Ok, fine, I resolve to lose weight in 2016.
One of my other issues is my temper. I know some folks are going, “aawwww, not you Uncle Bud”, but it’s true. I was not always the even keeled scholar that sits before you today. Perhaps a little background reading well help. As part of my program, I had resolved to always count to ten before acting, twenty if necessary. In truth, it seems to be working. I hate to admit that Mulva’s admonition that my “first thought is always the wrong thought” might have been more truthful than I had believed. In my defense, I was trying to count to ten, twenty if necessary, before, I was just losing track of the count. Inebriation will totally disrupt your math skills. So, I’ve got a twofer resolution here, stay sober and keep counting.
There are resolutions that are made at the insistence of others, all of you married folks know what I mean. Mulva is, has always been, worried about my immortal soul. Me, not so much. I’ve outlined my religious philosophy in several blogs, and it boils down thusly: “I have found one truism that transcends every religion, ‘do unto others as you want done unto you’.” To me, that’s the basis for all morality, which is what religions are supposed to be teaching us, morality. Whether we’re handling snakes or bowing down to Xenu, morality is what governs our daily actions. Follow the golden rule, and you will be moral, and not out the ten percent tithe.
Now of course I’m just taking care of the here and now, and Mulva is concerned about my afterlife. We are at a gridlock here. I’ve asked to speak to just one person who has died and gone to heaven, or hell, as proof of the afterlife’s existence. The search continues. To placate my lovely wife, I have resolved to become more involved with our little church, The Full Gospel Original Church of God. You all have read the reports. Resolution accomplished and renewed!
As I slip deeper and deeper into senility, and couch potatoism, I know that the TV is the disease, and not the cure. To address these issues, I resolve to read more, and watch less. Like any contract, I’ve got some fine print to throw in. Any sporting event, most particularly involving the Georgia Bulldogs, is not to be considered watching. Maybe we’ll call that, “gathering research material”. After all, I do blog on the Dawgs. Otherwise, I hereby resolve to read more, and watch less.
Ok, that’s it. Come on 2016, let’s get it on! Happy New Year everyone.