Getting My Ears Lowered

This year we decided to roll our First Tuesday pot luck supper in with our Super Bowl party and have sort of a Super Potluck Party Bowl. The usual suspects were here and showing a great deal of diversity for team support. In attendance were the Sons of Liberty, the Sons of the Confederacy, Georgians First, the N.R.A. (which cross-pollinates all of the groups), the Oath Keepers, Family First, and Keep God in America. Mulva brought in her women’s group from The Full Gospel Original Church of God. One would suspect that all of the Sons of the Confederacy would have pulled for the southern team, but not true.

Based off of several people who went out of their way to tell me I was looking a little shaggy, I decided that my coiffure could use a little something. Now, I’m not saying I’m going all “Sargent Carter”, I’m just saying I want to get cleaned up a bit. Problem is, this Corona thing is like being on house arrest, and we don’t have a barber shop, or a barber here at TackyToo.

Fortunately, I do have a wonderful wife, Mulva, who is a master at manipulating persons, places, and things to the desired outcome. Mulva was able to get one of the church members at The Full Gospel Original Church of God, who happens to be a barber, to agree to doing a little “missionary work”, by coming here to the park.

Turns out, I’m not the only “shut in” needing a little sprucing up. By the time the barber had arrived there were five of us lined up with masks and maintaining social distance at our makeshift barber shop in the Rec room. At twenty bucks a head, plus a tip, the barber probably cleared more today than he would have if he’d been at his shop. It was certainly all profit as he was using my roof and power.

Now, there is a deeper point here other than my desire to not look like one of those wacky- doodles on Duck Dynasty. While waiting my turn my mind wandered as it often does and I thought about how recently political candidates seem to be paying lip service to changing our criminal justice system.

As pointed out before, and I’m sure will be again, the U.S. is big on locking folks up. In my most recent tussle with the judicial system, house arrest was the right answer. Not having me locked up in the big house teaching a bunch of new fish the ins and outs of vehicular homicide of a fiberglass bee was the right response. Judge Baldwin Rood showed great judicial restraint in my case.

What we all want is letting the punishment fit the crime with the best cost benefit to society. I mean, hell’s bells, while I was on house arrest I was paying for my own incarceration. On top of that, I was still paying taxes instead of eating everybody else’s tax dollars. Sounds simple doesn’t it?

There are issues that would have to be worked out, like how the H.A.’s would get basic services like haircuts, and medical attention. I’ve detailed my trials and tribulations getting my teeth taken care of. Not the state’s fault I know, but at least with a House Arrest program, the H.A.’s would be taking care of their own medical expenses as well as any other personal issues like haircuts, pedicures and sunless tanning.

It’s a radical concept I know, but I see nothing but upside. The prison population would be reduced dramatically. Guards could be trained as liaison officers helping the H.A.’s readjust to their new lives. Prisons could be consolidated for further cost savings. The empty prisons could be designated Zombie Apocalypse centers like in “The Walking Dead”. Nothing but upside here.

I meant to touch on my fear of barbers, but it’ll keep for another time. I will say it involves my Granddaddy Lowe and what he called a “strop”.

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