The Life Of The Party

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Preparations continue for Icepocalypse 2016. I can’t say I’m looking forward to spending 24 x 7 with my neighbors here at TackyToo, but I’m willing to bite the bullet if everyone loses power. I do know getting a generator to back up the Rec room for power outages was the right thing to do. I just fear my tolerance for people who don’t share my world view is going to be sorely, sorely tested.

I can barely abide being in the same room with some of my neighbors for the Republican Debate potlucks, and that’s just four hours, every few weeks. Spending an extended period of time cheek by jowl with some of the residents here might turn me into a backslider. I’m serious! All day long folks have been dropping by to ask me if I’ve tested the generator, if I’ve got plenty of toilet paper and paper towels, if the paint smell is going to go away. These folks are truly pushing me to the brink. I couldn’t even sit down and enjoy the best news so far in the election cycle. Sarah Palin is endorsing The Donald. Honest to God, she’s already made a speech for him and everything.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, there’s so much, where do I begin? I guess we could start with what Sarah calls the “elephant in the room”. Sarah’s delinquent son, Track, now a veteran, is also now an alleged felon. Turns out, “family values” mom didn’t think it was important to mention to her son that he shouldn’t hit girls. During her endorsement speech of The Donald, Sarah wanted to blame everyone but herself and her husband for Track’s misdeeds. Sarah was even dragging President Obama into the mix for not “appreciating veterans” enough. Well, mercy me. I guess I’ll ask the question. Where was President Obama when Sarah’s little lovebug was cutting the brake lines on school buses so he wouldn’t have to go to school? It is rumored that Track’s volunteering for service avoided some time out in the Wasilla hoosegow. Probably not a miscarriage of justice, Track clearly needed the stability and discipline the service can provide. From the outcomes of his other misadventures, it is clear that Track does not make good decisions when left to his own devices. Must have been all of that time spent with his Mom.

Now, lest you think I’m just dumping on Sarah because of one kid who has a problem, let me introduce you to Bristol, Sarah’s oldest daughter. Bristol, who, “didn’t go to Harvard Law School”, was smart enough at eighteen to get herself a gig as spokesperson for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. It was a role she was well suited for, having gotten pregnant when she was seventeen. Her work in unplanned pregnancies has continued with her second child born out of wedlock in 2015. I guess it’s easy work, and somebody’s got to do it. I particularly like her quote from a 2009 Good Morning America show where Bristol declared, “Regardless of what I did personally, abstinence is the only 100% foolproof way you can prevent pregnancy.” It’s good to know Bristol is still out there practicing what she preaches.

To be fair, any examination of the rest of the family that wants to teach us values, should bring up the “Thrilla in Wasilla”. The “Palin brawl” actually took place in Anckorage, but started in Wasilla. In a party with over seventy people in attendance, Track and his Daddy duked it out while Bristol punched the party’s host in the face. There are no reports that Sarah threw a punch. I’m surprised.

I’m not surprised that The Donald is willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel to try to pull out a win in Iowa. Sarah plays well with the Bible thumpers, or at least she used to. The Donald needs help with the sanctified Republican voters. Maybe the evangelicals are willing to look past Palin’s “do as I say, not do as I do”, hypocrisy and vote for The Donald. Who knows. Sarah’s message is bound to be more on point than The Donald’s “Two Corinthians“.

Hang on to your hats, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

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