The Old Rugged Cross

Good morning, y’all. Another beautiful day here in the mountains. I reflect on the paradox of being graced with such beautiful weather while our noses swell up with the tons of pollen flying about. I’m hosing off the Firebird’s windshield everyday now just so I can see my way to the IHOP. This too shall pass and before long I’ll be enjoying the flowers and complaining about the heat. Same as it ever was.

On a Liter note, Mulva has come back home from The Full Gospel Original Church of God in a better mood than a while. The Reverend Helena Handbasket has been packing in the initiates like gang busters. The Elders were able to outfit a single wide trailer to the side of the main building to make room for the overflow crowds. The new setup required some specialized carpentry, but they were able to get the job done in six days. Being able to wrap up the work in time for the Sunday service is being perceived by all as a good omen. The trailer added seating for about a hundred more worshipers, and an oddly placed bathroom. We needed that extra bathroom indoors. I’m just concerned that the proximity of the trailer bathroom to the auditorium might create some odd moments. Hopefully, the crowd will be so enthused from start to finish that the sound of people speaking in tongues will drown out any inappropriate noises. 

Mulva reports that the trailer pews don’t have quite as good a viewing angle on the services. To avoid any back biting or infighting for the “good seats”, the Elders have added an audio-visual component to the service. The Reverend Helena Handbasket is now flanked at the altar by two big screen TVs with a Boise PA system. Now, even the folks in the back row of the trailer, will be able to watch the Reverend Helena Handbasket perform her magic in full HD. The comparisons to Carrie’s mom from the movie “Carrie” will probably be even more plentiful now that the faithful will see the whole show in digitized glory. Ain’t technology wonderful?

Mulva reported than the prayer basket was filled with requests for prayers for Nick Chubb, as one would expect, living in our area and all. In case you all are unfamiliar with the prayer basket, let me elaborate. When the Elders walk the aisle passing the plate for the weekly tithe, they also pass a little basket that the parishioners can put in the name of a family member or loved one needing special attention from the Lord. The tithes and prayer baskets are brought to the altar and the Reverend Helena Handbasket would pull out a name or two and offer up prayers on that person’s behalf. If your request was not picked out by the Reverend, the Women’s Auxiliary would go through the basket after church and offer up entreaties for every request. It is a widely held belief, almost a sign, actually, that if the Reverend doesn’t pick your name, that, that person is healing and doesn’t need special prayers. Odd how perceptions become beliefs.

Anyway, imagine the Reverend’s surprise when the first name she pulled out was “Chubbie”. Mulva says the Reverend looked directly at old Mr. Morris and said, “the prayer basket is not to be used for prayers for yourself”. When the second name the Reverend puled out was “Nick Chubb”, the Reverend’s face turned as red as her hair. Mulva reports that the Reverend offered up an impassioned request for Mr. Chubb’s quick healing.

The story gave me quite a chuckle, “judge not, lest ye be judged”, Granny Waller used to say.

The search for Old Ben‘s replacement continues.